The thing I missed so much when I was single again was having someone to do things with – big and small. And one of the things I loved getting to know Rod in our second time around love was that he always sees everything we do as an Adventure.
Right from the start he loved to be with me and have me with him to do anything and everything.
Without realizing it, I was actually looking for the 3 Criteria that are so important when it comes to choosing a man after going through the extreme loss of divorce…
First, he was crazy about me.
Second, he was growing in SO many ways.
Third, he met a lot of my basics – kind, romantic, caring, saw “me”, honest, fun.
As a result, he became my “Mr. Perfect For Me” man. Not perfect but perfect for me. Easy peasy – especially after choosing a few who were far less than perfect. Thanks to Dr. Diana Kirschner for putting these into writing in her book, “Love in 90 Days”. (It’s a great read. Available on Amazon)
We laugh. We choose. We agree on what we need. After 7 years together, we have discovered a rhythm to what we eat and what we like. Learning to know each other has helped us to support each other’s choices even if it’s something we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.
You know what else I love? The fact that if I use those words, “I feel like…” or “I want…” or “I don’t want…”, he hears me. When he hears me, he then chooses to bend over backwards to be sure I have what I need to be “at home”. Isn’t that incredible??
I hate fish – except for the heavily breaded mild kind of fish you get at “Joey’s Only Restaurants”. (We went there after we finished our shopping, actually, because Rod had a craving for fish.)
Yes, I am a prairie girl. Consequently, I didn’t grow up eating very much of that kind of meat at all – except for canned salmon, maybe. Rod, on the other hand, loves fish. He has cooked it for me in the past (yes, this man does make supper quite often because I always get home after him.) Because I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I usually try to scarf it down with a half smile. After all, it’s not all about me, right?
But one day, recently, I walked in the door after a particularly stressful day and smelled fish baking. I just couldn’t do it. So I said, “Not tonight, honey. I can’t”. He ate it but I didn’t. The beauty thing was that I could say what I felt and what I wanted and he heard me.
Did he get upset with me? No.
However, Rod goes to this place where he feels as if he messed up if he doesn’t make me happy. We are working on that. He can’t really be responsible for my happiness and sometimes he can’t predict what I need so, as I said, we’re working on that. But the thing that stands out to me is that he doesn’t get mad AT ME for having my own preferences – AND I LOVE THAT about him. It makes it so that I can be who I am.
Anyway, back to shopping…we have made a decision, together, that, for both of in this second time around love, we want to keep our weight and our health in a decent place as we get older. So we do our best to stay away from carbs. I LOVE cereal and eating it with lots of milk – and it used to be more than one bowl at a time. Comfort food, you know? And a fast and easy choice when I didn’t want to cook.
This is my pouty face ( Pretty scary, isn’t it? You can see why Rod is sometimes a bit put off when I use it). To continue, I was using my pouty face because, for one brief moment, I wanted that cereal! And it was only $5.99 at Costco for this WHOLE HUGE BOX! Rod knows I like it and he was sad for me but only “fun” sad because he knows I really don’t want it.
There was a time in the beginning of our days together that he came between me and my sugar. I was having a hormonal, bad day craving for what I associated with relaxation and comfort, namely, sweets. As we stood at the till to pay, he began reading off how many teaspoons of sugar were in that particular bag of candy… I nearly bit his head off! I gave him “The Look”. He graciously filed that reaction away and was very careful not to pressure me about that again. Incredible that he has come to understand how sometimes, even when it doesn’t make sense, I need what I need. Again, amazing!
I have grown a long way in this department (ha! grocery department). Curbing my choices around treats and what I use as comfort food has come out of considering the long-term consequences. Rod gave me the room to do that and, eventually, I have landed in a much better place without feeling judged all the time.
So, on this particular day in Costco, I put the box of Harvest Crunch back and moved on… *smile.
As I said, we ended up at Joey’s Only Restaurant for “fish” – the kind I like, too, which wasn’t exactly in the low carb eating category BUT was cozy and comfy to share with my Knight in Shining Armor.
Sometimes it’s all about compromise in this love second time around – and seeing your Knight with a big smile on his face.