You may have lost a man you thought would be there forever, lost your home as it has been for many years, your security, even lost your IDENTITY. But there’s one thing that no one can take away from you – ever. When you focus here, this becomes the source of your confidence.
No one can take away YOUR DREAMS. Even your dreams about Over the Moon, Never Leave Me Love. You can do this, lovely lady. You can have all that loss and still hold on to your confidence by holding on to your dreams. How do you do that?
Let me tell you what I did by reframing this Journey into 3 easy steps.
Close the Door to Your Back Room
I did it backward. I was trying for my Sun Room almost from the moment I left my 24 year marriage. Some of us do that because we are so starving for love in the tail end (or all of) our marriages/relationships. We believe there has to be something better out there than what we had so we RUSH into finding it.
What happens when we do this?
We end up in a dead end relationship with the same man, different face. That’s what I did. First guy who spoke the words, “Hi Beautiful Lady”… my heart went pitter pat and I was a goner.
I call this RELATIONSHIP INSANITY!
To tweak the quote by Einstein a little:
Relationship Insanity is choosing the same kind of man over and over again and expecting different relationship results…
It ain’t gonna happen. You won’t find the love of your dreams this way. You have to take a couple of steps back first. Doing this, believe me, is going to give you your courage back. So don’t skimp!
You can swing that door closed in lots of ways! But the important thing is to DO IT.
The Puzzle Piece That Began My Heart Healing
What are we grieving, bottom line, when we consider the past Chapters of our lives? I discovered this piece as if it were the last piece of a puzzle that was all mixed up and confusing. When I was able to put this piece into place – VOILA! There it was. My heart began to heal.
The Last Piece: I couldn’t really grieve until I realized that I had lost the future I thought I was going to have which included being able to do all I had dreamed of doing and becoming.
I thought my dreams were ashes. Gone forever. And now I was stuck in this neutral, grey place that seemed to be a prison with a huge barb wire fence around it. Truly! That was the picture I held in my heart for about 3 years after my separation.
Until I realized that I thought where I was in the present was where I was going to stay forever, I couldn’t mourn. And I couldn’t let the picture of my future change. I was stuck in the Pain Zone.
The Cost of Staying In the Pain Zone
I couldn’t accept that I could become better,wiser, deeper in the future because of all I’d been through.
I couldn’t accept that the man I had been trying to build love with was, in fact, a Tree Stump Man (I was asking someone to love me who simply was never going to be capable of seeing or hearing what I needed for reasons of his own. He may as well have been a tree stump because his response was the same.)
I couldn’t accept that I still deserved and could be open to Perfect For Me Love even if it was imperfect.
But once I could let the past go... let the man/men go and accept that it wasn’t all me, there were lots of factors involved. Once I could go of the idea that I was trapped in believing the pain would be all there was forever…
THEN I could truly close the door and turn toward my Sun Room.
I’m going to leave how to grieve your Back Room and softly close that door in another post because I want to go on to Room #2 here.
Heal Your Heart In The Waiting Room
This is exactly what I had to do. Stop the “desperation” which was grounded in the FEAR that I would never find love again. Was not lovable. Was, in fact, unlovable.
My limiting beliefs were killing my heart. I was telling myself things that weren’t true because of the conclusions I had been drawing from my Back Room Story.
If you are ever going to find your courage to truly open up to love again, then you must replace your Killer Beliefs with the truth.
We fill in this blank with a hundred different words if we are given the chance. I did. So have many, many women I have mentored.
But the relief of finding answers to the damaging barrage of conclusions we have drawn because terrible things happen to us is indescribable!
It’s true FREEDOM!
Find the Wonder Woman Inside
Transforming your Killer Limiting Beliefs opens up the way for you to discover the Wonder Woman who lives inside of you. The Heroine. The DIAMOND BEAUTY who has been finding her way ever since you have been experiencing tough times.
Your Killer Limiting Beliefs block her from shining through your life. Once you defeat those, you will discover beauty, courage and the confidence to invite love back into your heart again. This side of you can handle anything life or love throws at you.
My Wonder Woman is named, “Diamond Beauty”
That’s how I think of her. She has been gifted by God to go out and heal the broken-hearted. She lives out of an inner sparkle and sheds true light on the hearts of others so that they can also soar. And do what they were meant to do instead of remaining crippled and wounded all of their lives.
I was so down on myself. So lost that I would never have been able to do what I’m doing in this picture. I was a model in a fundraiser and this is me just before one of my walks down the runway in front of the critical eyes of 200 or so other ladies. (You know how we are.)
If I had not built up my courage and confidence, I would NEVER have been able to do this. It wasn’t my Disappointing Fearful Self, scared and hiding behind a wall that said I wasn’t good enough that walked that ramp twirling and swaying like someone who thought she was something. It was my Diamond Beauty. The strong, brave me who I was allowing to take the reigns of my life.
THIS is the part of you, too. This is the you that is going to be able to get out there and date again. To embrace every experience as an adventure. To feel and look confident. To believe that your dreams are going to come true in your Sun Room.
Create and Move into your Sun Room
Your Sun Room is the place where your dreams – which no one can take away from you – come true.
This is where you feel the “feelings” that happen when you think of having everything you’ve ever wanted there for you in your life. Even imagining this and believing in it builds a new confidence in you. Can you feel it?
You’ve come to peace with your Back Room Story.
You’ve gone on to do things you never dreamed possible: the career, the house, the relationships and THE Relationship with THE most Perfect Man For You…
Stop right here and right now and take a moment to imagine what that is for you.
Love. Excitement. Fulfillment. Freedom. Strength to face and decide what to do no matter what comes. Wisdom. Joy. A sense of purpose. Confidence.
How do you feel when you think of that?
Hold onto it for one more minute.
Never Let Go of That Sun Room Feeling
Actually, never let that feeling go. Remember it whenever you want to give up, lose hope, quit trying.
It’s THAT feeling that needs to take precedence over the FEAR of whatever could happen. It’s the courageous, confident Wonder Woman feeling. The Diamond in you speaking.
Never let her go again. The first Door is standing open for you. Come on inside and walk this Journey to the light at the end of the tunnel! The Sun Room, to be exact.
Your dreams are waiting for you.