Bury Your Relationship

Yes…literally bury it. Do you have your foot stuck in the Back Room Door and can’t let it close? Then bury your relationship so you can grieve, mourn…and let yourself go on living. I’m thinking it could be a far better life than you had before. That’s what I aimed for when I did this.

Here’s the thing…

With the death of your relationship, you are going to be tempted to bury YOU. Yourself.

To hide. Stay safe. Protect your heart. But, if you do that, you will also be burying all that’s amazing about you, right?

Why would you want to deprive some very lucky man – who is looking for someone exactly like you – of all the love you have to give?

You are lovely. And lovable. And fun. And desirable. We all wanted our ex-man to see that in us, am I right? But he couldn’t. He was a Tree Stump Man and that’s O.K.

You need to put that relationship in the past. Close the Back Room Door. Take your foot out and let it click shut. THEN you are going to be able to open your heart to love again.

It sounds kind of strange but THIS ACTIVITY I am about to describe was one that helped immensely to tell my brain that it was over. Done.

I found a way – my way – to see it as a death (which it is) but not the end of my life. Allowing myself to bury my relationship in this way moved me a few steps further toward the love I really needed (and wanted).

Here’s what you do to bury your relationship

#1 Gather up some special things that remind you of your ex and represents the time you had together. It might be a picture. Or something special he gave you – a symbol of what you were hoping to have together.

Put them in a box or a package of some sort, if you like. (Tell yourself: This was a Chapter in my life, not my whole Story.)

#2 Find a spot that is private and that you will remember.

#3 Dig a hole. Put your mementos in. Say good-bye with simple words that express thanks for the good times you recall and add an appreciation for what you learned from being in this relationship. Feel how much it hurts. Cry. But know you are letting go.

Dig a grave for your past relationship

#4 Put your mementos in the grave and cover them up.

#5 Mark the spot with a large rock or in some way that you will remember if you need to return.

#6 Turn your back and walk away. See yourself walking toward your Sun Room – the future you are fully capable of building for yourself. You are strong, resourceful and smart. You can do this!

If you don’t bury your past relationship…

You WILL grieve forever.

You will close up your heart and become more and more afraid to open it again.

Women who never move beyond grieving suffer all the rest of their lives.

What’s suffering?

It’s when the persistent thought, “It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way” is there every morning when you wake up and every night when you go to bed. It’s when it is your escort to every event where there are lots of couples and when it steals your enjoyment in the background each time you are with your kids as a solo parent.

But it’s not only that – it’s also believing that you have no option but to stay here in this sad place. Stuck. Alone. As if in a prison. A private sanctuary where your life is filled with constant reminding of…

All you have lost.

All you have less of now.

All you will never have again.

Is this you?

Have you found yourself going here?

So…do you really want to be that woman?

Perhaps the most compelling question: Is this the legacy you want to leave for your children and grandchildren?

What sort of message do you want your life to write out for the world to see?

**When life gets tough, close up your heart, resign yourself to the heartache and settle in?


**Recognize that life is a series of chapters you don’t always get to write. However, you do get to be the Hero and decide how your character can win even in the face of a difficult storyline.

What would make YOU feel better about your life?

Burying your relationship in this simple way can be the turning point

A break-up is different from a death. Though both are tragic and SO heartbreaking, they are not the same.

One involves the death of a person. The other the death of a relationship.

Both require grieving. And a burial of some kind so that those left can begin to accept and move on. Burying your relationship or holding an urn filled with the ashes of a loved one’s remains both mark the beginning of a new Chapter.

And the closure of a Chapter that needs closing.

Remember, you are on a Journey here. A Journey back to an open heart, lots of laughter and the belief that life may not be pretty but there’s a joy in learning to be stronger than what it throws at you.

So take each one of these challenges and make it your own. Let each one be an exercise that strengthens you. You are learning to stand up for your heart.

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

Steve Maraboli

Challenge to Myself: